Moule (A Hallucination)
Moule. A shadow man with glowing red, fiery eyes. I first met him in October of 2012 and he has kept in contact since, much to my dismay.
I remember vividly the first time I met him. It was in the middle of the night and this man appeared in the doorway, swung into my room by a rope, and then started beating me in the knees with a bat. This was of course terrifying, but the strangest part was the way he moved: he moved from my bed back to the door and continued the process without physically moving. It was as if he was teleporting. That’s when I knew this wasn’t a normal assault or anything of this dimension.
People told me that it was just a dream, but it felt so real. It was something that I was awake and experienced; and I was right.
What could have been the reason for this assault? Nothing was stolen, nothing seemed to be damaged. Nothing but the bathroom mirror had changed. Who would break in and not steal anything? Who would do nothing but change a mirror? And why?
The mirror was my only clue as to what may have happened. I was hoping to find something that would give me a lead, but I found nothing for weeks. In the meantime, my mind became very unquiet, there was no rest and constant audible noise. But I couldn’t understand what was being said. Not until I finally noticed my lead on this mirror.
The mirror had the tiniest crack along the bottom right corner, and on the right side of the crack was a reflection of something that wasn’t physically in that room. It finally came to me, I was seeing into another dimension. The man who attacked me was from a different dimension that’s why he could teleport when he attacked me. And at that moment the voices stopped being un-understandable and were clear as day. It said “Hello there Jon, I’ve been waiting for you.”
“Kill, kill.” Over and over again. Whispered. “Kill, kill.” Over and over again. Screamed “Kill, kill, kill.”
“Do what we say, or we will hurt those you love.”
“Do what we say, or we will hurt those you love.”
“DO WHAT WE SAY, OR WE WILL HURT THOSE YOU LOVE.”
At first, how could I believe them? But I was quickly reminded by beating after beating. They did the impossible. Sawed my limbs off and replaced them only so they could do it again. Sent infesting bugs to eat my insides out. Burned me over and over again in fire.
After this, how could I let this happen to anybody else? If they hurt me, why couldn’t they hurt others?
“Do you believe me now? Let me show you what you will do. Let me show you…the future.”
I saw myself murdering people over and over again. Stabbing them, choking them, destroying them with just my mind.
“No, no, NO!” I screamed. “No this can’t be! I could not do this.”
“You could and you will.”
“No, I will resist!”
“You have already failed. Look in your closet.”
I looked and I saw three dead bodies in my closet. I was speechless.
“You killed these people. You don’t remember it because I controlled you. I think you will turn and see things my way, but let this be a reminder; if you don’t join me then I will simply control you and kill your loved ones by your hand. I will show you where to meet me…once you…clear your mind.”
And then he showed me it, he was in outer space bounded and imprisoned by a black hole. This is why he was contacting me, because he can’t wreak havoc on his own. He is pulled by a black hole so that he cannot make it to earth, but he is not yet consumed by it. I thought that this showed me the solution. I had to travel to the black hole and throw him in. Then he spoke.
“But there is another way. Join me. You are so like me.”
“No, we are nothing alike. You’re a monster.”
“Don’t you remember?”
“All of the times you have had uncontrollable rage against your family.”
“How do you know about that?”
“Because I have your memories, I am you.” He said this as he stepped into the light and I learned the truth. He was me.
I was determined to find him, and stop him. I searched in the library for the secret door, the portal, to where Moule was. I saw walls within the library that were a strange transparent, blue color. I entered and the door closed behind me. I was stuck. I went left and right and knocked on the walls, but nothing would open. People were staring at me. But I got a text that saved me. It was from my mom. Somehow she was able to reach through the secret walls and save me.
I had one experience of searching for Moule but this next one was much closer. I was in my chemistry lab in the U of A’s Koffler building, and I noticed something not of this world. They were bombs on the floor of my labroom. Heavy and full of elements only found in space, just like Moule. I started picking up the bombs in order to protect my classmates but the bombs kept on replenishing. I picked up one and a couple more showed up. Once again everyone was staring at me. They whispered “Does this have anything to do with the seizure he had yesterday?” They asked me if I was okay, and what I was doing. And I told them that I was working on picking up the bombs. Mention of bombs did not calm my company.
I went outside of the classroom. I felt his presence; I found a way to meet him. The 5th floor of the building had a balcony that lead the way. The portal to his world was off of the balcony. Only someone who would risk death was truly worthy of interdimensional travel. As far as Moule was concerned, to meet him one had to die.
To be honest, at the time I was not completely sure of what to do. Risking death was a big decision. I went inside to consider and I saw the chemistry staff yell “I’ll call the police!”. I was scared by this and ran and hid. On the corner of the Koffler building was an unsafe area protected by guard rails. I jumped over the rails and hid behind a column. A student passed by and noticed me and tried to talk with me.
She asked me “If I was okay?”
and I immediately responded with “Which dimension are you from?
“The same dimension you are from.”
It was then that the police came and had her leave. There were at least 8 people surrounding me, probably closer to 10 consisting of police, security, and paramedics. One came over the rails and tried to comfort me, but the one that seemed to be in charge was not as understanding.
He stated that “I could come with them the easy way or the hard way.”
I asked “Are ten people really necessary to be here?”
I mean, were they really that afraid of me? Was I really that scary? I was very small and had no weapons.
I agreed to go with them. And as I did this, I heard my good friend (Kendra Bridges, an instrumental part to my recovery) say “I’m coming with him.” I looked up at her and saw her terrified face and realized that this was serious and very wrong.
I walked with people both behind me and in front of me. And kept my hands behind my back to keep them appeased. When walking down the hall, my classmates saw me; they must have seen me as a criminal. When we got to the elevator, my mom was there to take me home. They asked “Have you ever seen him like this before?” And heartbroken she just responded with “Yes.”
I was playing volleyball at night with my friends when all of a sudden I felt like I was in a kind of trance. I wandered off and this caused some concern among my friends. They started to follow me, and I hid within a nook. When they tried to talk to me, my face went berserk, twitched, as if controlled by some evil force and this made them shriek from terror.
I ran and climbed on top off a Circle K, lying flat on the roof. Passerbyers were point and talking about what the strange thing that was going on. I stayed there paralyzed from fear.
My friends called my parents to come pick me up. But when my Dad arrived I knew what I had to do. I had to run to the 5th floor and complete my mission. So I ran. I ran across campus and they chased me. I lost my shoe and I kept running. I had to complete the mission. I had to stop Moule. I stumbled and hid in some bushes to catch my breath.
I was surrounded. I ran a little more before I collapsed and crawled over to the railing. I was hysterical, crying and yelling out of confusion. I held on to the rails while screaming to my friends “You are not real! You are not real! They kept on pulling on me as I screamed. They had to pry my hands of the rails to get me free. I would have kept fighting, only to be stopped by passing out because it was too much to handle.
I couldn’t just keep on living in confusion. I had several choices.
- Do what he commands and hurt people in order to save those that I hold dear.
- Hurt myself so that he can’t control me.
- But the third option was the option that my friends were encouraging me to do. They were insisting that none of this was real and that it was all in my head. That they could not hurt others. That they could not control me.
But I had great doubts about this. After all, how could I be in so much pain, take physical beatings after beatings if they were not real. If they can hurt me, why can’t they hurt others? And what about the vision of the future, can I really trust that it’s not real?
And the answer to that, if you ever want to get better, is a resounding yes.
Rejecting these thoughts and voices is a major step to feeling better, but there is still more work to be done. For some people, acknowledging that the voices are false will sometimes stop the problem, but most of the time (and in my case) they were still there to bother me. I know it is hard to reject these thoughts because they feel absolutely true and a part of you, but the only way to get better is to choose to ignore them.